Lost In Paradise
by elmjuniper
Summary: "I am Hawke, Champion of Kirkwall, but tonight...I am your executioner." Essa Hawke has lost everything and as she ventures down a path of vengeance the city is falling apart around her. Isabela must now mend what she broke when she left, but she's running out of time and if the companions don't find a way to bring Hawke back Kirkwall's fall may push the world to the brink of war.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Hawke or any of the other characters you've seen in Dragon Age: Origins or Dragon Age 2 nor do I own any of the environments, names, objects etc that you may recognize from the games. They all belong to the wonderful Bioware. Everything you don't recognize is just a figment of my overly stimulated imagination. ;)

**AN: **This is a pretty dark, angsty, yet at time humorous story of Essa Hawke at the beginning of Act 3. I kind of felt like all the things Hawke has had to go through by the beginning of Act 3 should have had a larger impact on her than what we got to see in the game. This story will dive deeper into that. I hope you enjoy the story and if you do or have any suggestions, questions etc please leave a review.

~Elmjuniper

* * *

_I don't understand why I would return. Why would they even go through the trouble of asking me? I had everything I needed here. I told the sailor who had found me that he could tell them that. Still, here I am on my way back._

**PROLOGUE**

THE MAN SPUN ON HIS HEELS as the dark hooded figure stepped out from the shadows.

"Hey, you! If you know what's best for you, get out of here," he snarled menacingly, waving his sword demonstratively.

He had spent months scouting this place out, he wasn't going to lose its loot to some sewer urchin. The blasted figure didn't move and the man tried to peer through the black mask covering his opponent's face. Then slowly like the sun rises for a new day the figure lifted its hood and he could see the ice-cold, angry eyes of a young woman stare back at him. He took a step backwards. There was something with those eyes, as blue as lyrium, but as dead and distant as the eyes of a corpse. Fear washed over him. This woman had _nothing_ to lose.

"W-who are you?" He barked trying to mask his fear, but he could feel his voice betraying him.

"I am Hawke," the woman said. Her voice was soft, almost delicate. She paused meeting his eyes as she unsheathed her daggers strapped to her sides. The glowed with the magic they were infused with. Blood magic! Her lips parted once again as she began to speak tough this time the voice cut like the sharp end of a sword's edge. "Champion of Kirkwall, but tonight… I am your executioner."

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	2. Humanity Lost

**AN: **I know this has taken forever to update. Please bear with me even though I'm slow with my updates, I think it'll be worth it. Hope you enjoy the update. Please review and let me know what you think! :)

~Elmjuniper

* * *

_The sea. The brisk wind caressing my face, the smell of salt and seaweed. Freedom! The only thing I've ever wanted or needed for that matter. Until now, but now it might be far too late._

**HUMANITY LOST**

**HUMANITY LOST**

THE HANGED MAN SMELLED LIKE dark ale and smoked meat. That coupled with the crackling of a fire and the men's slightly sweaty odour could turn anyone girl weak in her knees. At least if that girl happened to be a voluptuous, dark-skinned, hot-headed pirate. Essa Hawke on the other hand thought it was an old ding-hole. She never quite understood the charm of such filthy place, well, at least not until the first time she had laid eyes on the most beautiful woman she had possibly ever seen.

Isabela -the pirate queen of a non existing ship- with eyes the colour of leaves in the crisp autumn sun, her skin as brown as the soft hull on one of those ships the pirate so longed for.

Essa crossed the crowded tavern with determined steps. Varric, the very charming and surprisingly handsome dwarf had something he wanted to discuss. There was something about dwarves she didn't like. Perhaps it was the robust, stout build that made it near impossible for her to tell the difference between men and women or maybe it was how they associated almost everything with ale, stones and nugs.

She frowned. What did Varric want? As much as she used to like his company and had once enjoyed his stories she wasn't interested in some frivolous conversation. In fact she wasn't interested in company at all and if she did want some The Blooming Rose was only minutes away from where she lived. A drunken man bumped into her and she angrily shoved him to the side.

"Watch where you're going!" She snarled.

"I'm showwy!" He slurred, raising his hands above his head as she brushed past him and continued up the crooked old stairs. It creaked displeased underneath her weight.

The room looked like it had always looked, a large dining table in the middle with a wooden chair as big as a throne -for a dwarf- at the far end of it. A fashionably modern fireplace stood next to the table. It looked far more inviting than the one she had at home.

"Hawke!" Varric chimed as he saw her. "Where have you been? You're hard to track down these days."

Essa gave a snort. "Never took it as a hint?"

"Come now, Hawke, I've been missing seeing you around here," he meddled with her. She leant against the table with her hip. Lately there hadn't been any reason for her to come here. Just like the estate it felt empty and quiet and it only reminded her of the one fact she couldn't escape -that she was alone.

She gave a grunt, her way to disagree with him, when she caught something in the corner of her eyes. Her hands flew to her side the hissing sound of blades being unsheathed the only warning. She spun on her heels, poisoned blades held out like a shield in front of her. Pulling to a stop she saw the pirate freeze on the spot, eyes widen in shock before she regained her wit.

"Hello, Hawke."

_Isabela_. She gave the woman a blank stare, twirling the daggers in her hand before sliding them back into their sheaths.

"Isabela," Essa said shortly not even offering a curt nod towards the woman who had warmed her bed occasionally for a year.

"Hawke, that is no way to greet a lady," Isabela smiled slyly as she drew a little closer.

"Agreed, that is not how I treat _ladies_," she tried not to snort at the pirate's comment, but the snort came despite her best efforts to remain civil. Something crossed the woman's face for a split second.

"Varric tells me you've been keeping busy," Isabela said casually as she turned to the table with her characteristical swagger.

"Two years in an empty estate has that effect on people," she answered flatly. "Was there anything important I needed to know, or did you just call me here for this social gathering?" Essa straightened the straps on her gloves disinterested.

"Now, Hawke, a girl like you should-" Varric began to speak.

"Should what? Enjoy the primetime of my youth? Reap the fruit of what I've sown? Revel in the large family estate void of –oh yes- an actual family?" Her words dribbled with sarcasm. What did they know? Varric who never liked his family much and Isabela who had never known the meaning of the concept family. She felt a tinge of jealousy where she stood and she loathed herself for wishing she had never known what it was like –to have a family- to feel loved. She secured the straps of her hilts before pulling her hood up.

"Nice chat," she said then turned to walk away.

"Essa," Isabela pleaded, grabbing her by the wrist. Essa. Isabela only called her that when they were alone or when she was overcome by emotions she said she didn't have. Essa clenched her jaws shutting the emotions out still not looking at the pirate. "We're just _worried_ about you."

She jerked her hand free and left the two of them following her hasty retreat with resigned expressions. She had to get out of there, the walls were caving in, noises became too loud and the lights blurred in her vision. Essa shoved the thick wooden door open then leapt into the air as the hook and rope shot out from the contraption strapped around her lower arm. Bethany had enchanted it for her so that when it reached its target it would wheel her towards it. She landed on the ledge where she grabbed the edge of the sandy-coloured bricks, swinging herself up onto the roof disappearing into the darkness.

Bethany, her younger sister, the naive girl who had looked up to her and trusted Essa with her life. Essa pinched the bridge of her nose. The crushing sound of bones breaking as the ogre slammed her sister's body into the rocky ground still echoed in her head. She had been given _one _duty by her father: take care of the family. What a wonderful job she had done. She growled angrily at herself, pulling the dark cloth above her nose and mouth. Exhaling sharply she watched the city from above. Soon the farmers and merchants would stumble home from the tavern, lights would be turned out and the city would go to sleep and that's when the mercenaries would creep out. That's when tonight's duty began.

~DA2~

"Well, that went... Beautifully," the dwarf said in his usual casual tone, but Isabela could hear the disappointment in his voice. He looked up at her. "Boy, was she happy to see you after two years."

She tried not to flinch. Essa had treated her like she was the last person she wanted to see, perhaps rightly so. Isabela swallowed thickly. She had left Essa when she needed her the most, but she saw were the young Hawke was heading. Essa was the blasted Champion of Kirkwall. She was a hero, a woman people looked up to and turned to with their problems. Women threw themselves at her feet and men too for that matter. Essa was... perfect. Everything Isabela knew she wasn't. There was no room for her in Essa's life. Being the Champion wasn't just getting a golden medal and a pat on the back, it was becoming someone people could look at and see, well, a hero. Heroes weren't the ones to show up with a thief and slattern by their arm. She bit her lip, sighing. Why had she come back? Of course Essa wouldn't want to talk to her. This was _all _Aveline's fault.

"Where does go to?" She stared at the door leading out from the tavern. It had almost felt like she was being slapped in the face when it had slammed shut after Essa's departure.

"Well, that my friend, we don't know, but wherever it is, she usually leaves a trail of cold bodies."

Well, that sounded like Essa sure enough, but she wouldn't kill people cold-heartedly. It wasn't like her. _Wasn't like her? Two years had passed and you left._ _What would you know?_ She berated herself.

"And just _why _did you and Lady Man-Hands have to get _me _involved in your little scheme?" Something in the dwarf's eyes observed her with amusement when she asked the question.

"We thought perhaps you could talk to her. Fenris is just doing his permanent sulk in that rundown estate of his, Merrill is probably doing that creepy obsessive staring at her mirror and Anders is... Well, he's just being himself. All wrapped up in mage things. So, Rivaini you're kind of our last hope here."

She rolled her eyes at the nickname. The dwarf and his knack of giving people nicknames. She once knew a guilder with the same habit. The tall, mysteriously beautiful elf who had helped the Hero of Ferelden stop the blight. What was it the elf used to call her? Dimples. When Isabela had looked in the mirror pointing out she didn't have any dimples the elf had fired off one of her suave smiles replying Isabela's face wasn't what she had been looking at. What had happened to Sinniralin after they had saved Ferelden from the impeding archdemon and darkspawn invasion? She made a mental note to ask the barman if he had heard any rumours from the men coming in to his tavern.

"Varric, you know my talent isn't to _talk_ to people," she replied.

"Oh," he chuckled knowingly, "yes, we all know that, Rivaini, but for once perhaps you should _try_ it and see what happens."

See what happens? Had the dwarf not seen the blatant rejection just minutes ago? She sighed rubbing her head.

"I'm going to need a drink."

~DA2~

Essa dropped down from the roof on to the stone windowsill. She landed soundlessly the shadows still cloaking her from the full moon's bright light. Gritting her teeth she kneeled by the lock on the window and slipped the thin knife into the slit of it. She flicked it a couple of times before it gave way and swung open. Blood dripped from her arm and ribs and she could feel her head spin as she stood up again. She let her head drop backwards as she focused on her breathing.

The group of smugglers she was stalking had called for backup and she had been swarmed by enemies. A sane person would have fled. She scoffed where she stood. There was nothing sane about her anymore. The thrill of the battle, the sheer pain of it invigorated her. They had all fallen eventually, much to her anger. Why, _why _couldn't someone just finish her off?

Essa chuckled where she stood. The blood was soaking through her clothes, warm and sticky against her skin. She gazed down at the deep gash on her left side. _Oh, shit! _Her vision blurred and she toppled off the windowpane, plummeting to the floor with a loud crash.

Two sets of hands grabbed her and dragged her over to the bed. _Damn that dwarf and his son!_ One last thought before the comforting dark swallowed her whole.

_Light surrounds her and she can feel a brisk breeze caress her face. The ground is mossy and it smells different. She frowns. Is that laughter she hears? Townsfolk mingling at the market place. Is that Barlin shouting about traps in the background?! She turns around and lifts her hand in surprise to hide her gawking mouth. _

_Bethany! The laughter is Bethany's. Her sister is standing by the old bridge in Lothering, the sun dancing across her dark-brown hair as she waits impatiently. _

_"Essa! We're going to be late for sister Leliana's story, hurry!" Her sister berates her. She holds her breath and walks up to her, staring at her._

_"What?" Bethany asks. "Why are you looking at me as if you're seeing a ghost?"_

_Without a word she pulls her sister into her arms, hugging her so hard Bethany resorts to patting her on her back._

_"I can't breathe! What's gotten into you, sister?"_

_She laughs then, at the sight of her younger sister's confused expression._

_"I thought... I don't know, just don't ever leave me again."_

_"You're acting weird, Essa." The end of her sister's eyebrows knits together before her face softens. "You know I would never leave you. Even if my body is gone, I will always be with you."_

Pain ricocheted through her body as she opened her eyes. She was in her bed, the one she hadn't slept in for months or was it years? Time seemed to just slip away. She lay there staring up at the ceiling as the pain came crashing down on her. The pain of losing her sister, her best friend, hit her with such force she thought she'd been hit by a king's horse carriage. She felt the hot tears sting the dry skin on her cheeks and she willed herself to stop the tears from falling. She had to get up. Get out of this room. She stood up and groaned leaning in to the bed with her hand for support. Essa eyed the linen bandage that had been wrapped around her ribs and arm. Bodah and Sandal must have patched her up after she had passed out.

Her clothes were nowhere to be found, which meant Bodah had taken it upon him to wash them. She softened. The man was as thoughtful and caring of her as an uncle, definitely more so than Gamlen ever was. Galmen the bitter old git who had blamed her for her mother's death. Essa snorted as she ruffled through the large oak wardrobe, pulling out a pair of dark trousers and a black linen tunic.

She was buttoning the last couple of buttons when she heard a familiar voice echo from the opulent main hall.

"Is Hawke here?"

_Shit! _Essa slid into a second pair of boots, grabbing cloak and daggers as she bolted out through the window, scurrying up on the roof just in time to hear her bedroom door fly open.

"Hawke!"

Perching out of sight she could hear the Captain of the Guard push the window open in an effort to catch a glance of her. There was a loud sigh then she heard the familiar rustle of Aveline's chainmail as the captain turned around and left.

Hawke slowly peered across the edge not trusting that the guardsman had simply left her alone. Narrowing her eyes she crept along the slanting rooftop until she reached the edge of it. From where she sat perched she could see all of Kirkwall, even down to Lowtown. The people of Kirkwall loitered around in the warm summer sun, guards standing every here and there in their shining armour. Essa let her gaze drop to the open space outside her estate. Aveline shook her head, hands gesticulating angrily as she made her way up the long steps up towards the Viscount's Keep next to Varric.

Essa sighed where she sat. Both Aveline and Varric had once been her friends. A long time ago it seemed, when things hadn't gotten so complicated. When death still didn't affect her they way it did now. Back when she still remembered what it was like to laugh. She let her head drop. It didn't matter anymore. The monster she had become now didn't have any friends. Giving the odd couple one last look she slid down the roof stopping forcefully as her feet hit the ledge on the small roof above her room. She grimaced as pain shot through her body, bright light flashing before her eyes. Blinking a few times her vision cleared and she slid off the small roof, dangling above the windowsill. She dropped down, another grunt of dismay escaping her lips as she landed.

_Just need to grab my gear then I'll be out of here. _

Sliding in to her room she froze as her eyes fell on the wooden chair. Dark, leather boots ran all the way up the well-toned legs until it met thick linen and blue fabric, a nice contrast to the dark skin. A snared corset whispered of a taut stomach, the thick linen wrapping itself around the pirate's more shapely assets.

"Hello, Hawke."

_Blasted! _The pirate had placed herself in the room so that it would impossible for Essa to get past her, but close enough for Isabela to stop her if she tried to escape through the window. Essa laughed, shaking her head wryly. In this state she wasn't very fast, not fast enough for Isabela.

The pirate might look like she belonged anywhere else but in battle, but the pirate was as deadly as the sharp end of a sword.

"You got me," she admitted, hands dropping to the side. "Now what?"

Isabela stood up from the chair, walking towards her slowly. Brown eyes locked with hers and Essa felt her jaw clench tightly. Isabela's soft fingers came up to Essa's face, her thumb caressing her battered cheek carefully.

"Essa," Isabela whispered.

"Isabela," she replied coldly.

"What's happened to you? You were never like this before."

She studied the pirate from half-lidded eyes. She was shorter, not much, but enough for Essa to have to glance down to see the plump lips dangerously close to hers. She chuckled placing her hand on the pirate's hip, pulling her closer.

"Is this what you want?" She murmured, her free hand dropping into her pocket. She could hear Isabela's breath hitch and she smiled inwardly as she leant in close, pressing her lips against Isabela's. The pirate pressed herself closer, her tongue darting across Essa's lips as they tasted each other once more. Breaking free from the kiss Essa stepped backwards.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"For what?" Isabela asked blinking. She blinked again, this time with more effort as she started to stumble backwards. "You, you bastard! You...poisoned..."

Essa stepped forward just in time to catch the falling pirate in her arms.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she lowered Isabela on to the bed. She placed the thick woollen cover on top of the sleeping woman. Suain herb, the most effective sedative herb mixed with a little elf root and dwarven ale. She let the poisoned dart drop back into her pocket as she crouched next to the bed, caressing Isabela's cheek, kissing her softly.

"I wish things were different, but they're not." She stood up and walked over to grab her things, giving the sleeping pirate one last look. "And you left. I'm just returning the favour," she murmured before slipping out through the window.

There was a time she had hoped things would turn out differently. Now, as she scurried across the bricks on the rooftops there was only one thing on her mind. Vengeance.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


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